I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
