I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
