i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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