i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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