I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
