Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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