smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize