I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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