I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize