youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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