Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
