so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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