Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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