Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
