I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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