You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
