...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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