i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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