It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
