Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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