I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
