I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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