I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
