Did you just see the Batmobile???
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
