So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize