Im at strip club and am horny
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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