if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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