I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
