Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
