he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
