I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
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