We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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