I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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