He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
did you just send me my own nude
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
