and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
