I didn't shave. On purpose
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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