This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
