i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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