Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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