Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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