Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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