If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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