Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
