the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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