Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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