watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
