just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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