I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
