it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
