Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
