Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
