So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
