They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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