This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
