I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize