Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Christians are straight up FREAKS
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
