We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
