Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
