ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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