Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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