i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
