Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
