as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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