Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
