im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
