we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
