Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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