I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
