i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
