We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
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