it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
