So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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