Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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