we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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