Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
