1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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