She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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