put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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