i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
