i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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