She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
