I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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