drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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