see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
